Away from home
I have been away from home/away from the girls for the first time since, well ever? As I didn't sleep well with the triplets inside of me - as I was gigantic- and obviously haven't slept a night since they arrived in the real world, this was big. I was
on a two day conference with sleep-over. Other people like going on conferences for the food and drinks, next to the conference contents of course, and I went for the bed. I decided to skip dinner and bought some cheese and snacks to eat in bed.
Honestly, the bed (any bed!) must be my favourite place on Earth. Instead of my planned extended tv-dinner in bed, I ate quickly and fell asleep. Completely exhausted after these two years of not sleeping through a single night. You bet I slept now!
Woke up after approximately 8 hours, turned around and fell asleep for another hour. Heaven!!! Of course I missed the girls and I couldn't get home fast enough, but I must say I needed that night. And the conference content was really good.
Finally a conference worth being at.
As to my current state of mind, I am still in my low-phase. Sleep helped partially, as you just feel worse if you are drained of all energy. But of course sleep doesn't take away the pain inside. I don't see myself as 'sick', so I don't see myself needing
a doctor or psychologist. But maybe I am near some burn-out cliff, ready to fall off - I don't know. That constant anxiety, moments of panicking and the heartbeat that feels as if you are about to explode. I noticed today (again) that I keep
switching letters and figures when I write. Something that never would have happened before. And regarding the psychologist, you can't talk the sorrow to go away. And I can't think of any method to feel better about what's happened.
It's more of an existential thing. It's hard to describe that feeling. Maybe it is something for a priest. I am still trying to figure out, if that might be a solution for me.
