Zofees

My mum went home yesterday and I already miss her. I never thought (especially not as a teenager!!), that I'd like and appreciate to have my mum around me as much as I actually do. Of course I won't tell her this, as that is what children do - haha! But I know she reads my blog, so she will know anyway.
We had some really nice days and even if I didn't get to sleep as much as I wanted or had planned to, it was time well spent. All my senses were stimulated: cinema, out and about, some diy - sewing pants and headbands, eating and chatting.
Today was not a good day in terms of mood. I am not a fan of end of month/beginning of new month. It becomes so obvious that Clara isn't with us. The girls turn 4 months in a few days and they develop so much and you can see their personality evolve. I wonder how Clara would have been and am so sad about the fact that she didn't get the chance. Strangely enough, I feel I am closing down my shutters and at the same time being quite open in writing about my sorrow. I don't want to become one of those ice queens, never admitting anyone close to you and never expressing any feelings. But I feel like I am going there. I feel like I don't want to talk anymore, but I still can and want to express my thoughts in writing. Probably good I use some kind of medium. But at the same time I feel I am applying some kind of filter and not writing down everything. That troubles me, as it means those thoughts won't get out at all and will only turn their circles (especially at night) in my head. I was able to share some of it with my curator, but not all of it. Maybe that will come later. Until then I'll try to not be an Ice Queen.