Zofees

Every evening, when I put my girls to sleep, I think of our day. What we have done, how much we have laughed, if it was a good day etc. Although I spend 85% of my days with the girls (apart from taking a shower and maybe taking care of dishes or the laundry), I still have a strange bad conscience of maybe not doing enough with them, not working on their sitting or speech enough... Or not having spent as much one on one time with one of them, as I did with the other that day. Which of course never happens, as I am quite good at dividing my time between them or spending time singing and joking with both at the same time. But still. That feeling. Why do you get this? Because I am pretty sure I am not the only multiple mum having that feeling. Or parent with more than one kid.
Time just flies by and as there is still snow and I still don't have any winter tires on my car (appointment today, but with the ice and snow, it was quite impossible to make it to the mechanic on summer tires) and that makes me quite locked up in my own home. My husband does all the grocery shopping and errands and I guard my babies at home. I am starting to feel the need of getting out - alone - to do my nails or have a coffee now. But it will probably not work until next week.
My back pain is getting worse and worse. My curator has quit her job and I haven't been able to get in contact with her replacement yet, so right now I am not in my best form. Add some headache and extreme tiredness to that and you have my current state of mind.
I have decided to get things rolling with the hospital too and asked for all the documents (the girls and my journal and their internal case study) in the beginning of this week and today I received an envelope. Haven't had the strength to open it yet. Will get help from my mother in law, who is very familiar with these kinds of procedures. Am very thankful that she wants to help me, as it is tough enough getting through the document jungle and addressing the right people and authorities, without having all those feelings inside of you.
But not today. Today I will enjoy Friday evening with my husband and bonus son, after I've managed to put the girls to sleep.