Zofees

I miss my girl Clara a lot today. Of course I think of her every day, but today was special. The nurse from the hospital came to visit us today for check ups and to talk through the girls' journals. A nurse from our local doctors office joined us and will from now on take over the care of the girls. Feels good to have this continuing care and check up on the girls.
The girls have gained in weight - we followed the advice of both giving them food when they want some and to wear hats, to keep the babies from spending to much energy keeping the warmth in the body. Great to see some immediate results!
Anyway, we went through the journals from the girls first breath of fresh air until today and I got so sad, when I saw Clara's values in comparison to the others. Clara was even more healthy than the other two at birth. Just as the girls fine development makes me happy and proud, it makes me so sad when I think about the fact that Clara never got the chance to develop this much. She could only show us a tiny bit of her wonderful personality and she had so much more to give. She never got to that stage of looking completely different than the others and then getting to the point of looking the same again, like Alice and Antonia do right now. Her hair never turned light as the others hair does right now. I know it doesn't help a bit to think and write about these thoughts. It only makes me sad. I am not even hungry anymore. I have been forcing myself to eat. What does help is having one of the girls in my arms. That is the only thing that works for me right now.